Yeah, so, after my blog-versation with "yoyoyoder" earlier this week, I got to thinking about motherhood in general, and how I feel about it and how my peers make me feel about it, etc, etc, etc. So I thought I'd comment on it as I usually don't have anything really intelligent on here and I thought this might add something.
You see, it's been my dream since I was probably 3 years old to have a baby. I used to pretend that I was pregnant by putting stuffed animals down my pants and covering it with my shirt. I would make my sister play house with me and she had to be the husband and I got to be the wife and have a baby. She could also be the doctor, but that was about it. So, yeah, I catch a lot of grief from my family for how obsessed I was with pregnancy back then. I never wanted mom to see me playing this game, but one night I fell asleep with a stuffed animal down my pants and when she checked on me before she went to bed she found this and was rather shocked. She asked me about it the next day and I was embarrassed and said quietly, "I wanted to know what it was like to have a baby in my tummy..."
So, when I got married I was excited because then I felt I could have a baby if we wanted. But some of that joy was taken away from me as I discussed this dream with peers over the past few years. (Not all of my peers, mind you. Some of my best friends are having children and I'm really happy for them.) Yet most people I work with tell me that I "have plenty of time," that I should work another 4 years or so until I have my PE (for those of you who don't know, engineers in Indiana work 5 years and then take a test and become a professional engineer), etc, etc. After so many comments, I feel discouraged and ashamed of my dream. It is pretty much considered a social disgrace as far as I can tell to be an "educated woman" and have a child before you're 30. I really don't like this whole concept. Yet I feel like I want to "fit in" with the people I see everyday at work. Ugh.
Now, I'm not saying that people should just rush into being parents. Not at all. But I'm not so sure that people should have such strong opinions about waiting and try to force them on others so much.
So, there's my social commentary. Does anyone out there feel the same way? Please, someone comment!
3 comments:
I believe that our society devalues motherhood and especially mothers who decide to give up their careers and stay home to be with their children. I don't know if you plan on working after you have babies, but I definitely know that our society sees that as a waste of intelligence and education and blah blah blah. Have you ever seen the movie "Mona Lisa Smile"? You should watch it if you haven't. I believe we were created to be nurturers and instilled with the desire to be mothers. It is a natural desire that gets pushed to the side in the pursuit to "be somebody" or to "make something of myself". Children will just ruin that. Or maybe people wait because they only want one kid. I would like to have a house and be established and have money saved before I have kids and that could be a reason to wait. But if you want a few kids, then you would need to start earlier, you know?
I'm trying to say a lot of things and what I really want to say is that you should never let others dampen your spirits and lead you away from your lifelong dream! God gave you your desires and if that's what you truly want, then I say go for it!!
Hi, Katie. I have lots of thoughts about being a mommy vs. establishing your career first--maybe I'll share them another time...
Everyone must ultimately make her own choice based on how she feels God is leading her. I know one thing--at the end of your life, your family will mean more to you than any career ever could.
I'm so fortunate to be able to have a career from home, so when people ask "What do you do?" I can say I'm a published author and a professional freelance writer for an educational publisher. (impressive, huh?) But NOTHING I do is more important than being a mommy to my three girls. It's my true calling and purpose.
A couple things to think about. I watched an Oprah episode a few years ago where a bunch of women were climbing the career ladder, buying gorgeous houses, and then trying to start a family around age 35, only to find that they couldn't get pregnant. The best years are in your early 20's which leads me to believe God wanted babies to come first. The other thing is--think of movie actresses (like Julia Roberts) who have made comments that nothing compares to being a mommy and staying at home and doing laundry for their families. They've done it all--but none of it brought the fulfillment that being a mom does.
LAST THING--I'm related to yoyo obviously (long-winded)--I used to pretend I was pregnant too, and nurse my babies. Their faces were always so cold when I put them up to my little chest. :)
I didn't mean to be anonymous. I'm Marla, which you know by now. :)
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