tuesday

went to see tamara and blake and adrian tonight. i held blake for a couple minutes then he got really fussy {hungry} so tamara left to feed him. we chatted with adrian and tamara's mom and her friend rachel. little blake was so precious. so tiny and cute. he looks a lot like adrian did. dave didn't hold him cuz he still had his dirty uniform on. i have some pics too. will post later.

we took a pic of an interstate bridge tonight. dave was excited cuz i got him a vest so he could go with me. it's a good thing cuz i needed his help to climb up on the bridge abutment since there was a big dropoff.

we have had grilled cheese on dave's homemade bread the last 2 nights for dinner.

i had a very trying morning at work. i started crying and had to go hide in the bathroom and cry for like 15 minutes. i text messaged dave and asked if we could meet for lunch. he said yes so i met him and cried some more. i wish i could just quit and not have to deal with a very difficult man who can't communicate ever again. i would like to work on the house and pack and work part time somewhere. but dave told me that he knew i'd do what was right. which is pretty much some twisted sort of reverse psychology. because i guess the right thing is probably to keep working and saving money. i just feel like the past 8 years are one huge horrible decision after another as far as my "career" goes.

i have been thinking lately that i'd like to have a business where i help people declutter and clean and pack for moving. i LOVE that kind of thing so much.

i planned out our kitchen remodeling project this evening and got on the lowes website and priced everything. it only took about an hour cuz i've been planning it in my mind for 5 years. it will cost about $2000 i believe.

i want to plan out some other rooms but i better go to bed. i must be at work at 6:30 tomorrow.

it amazes us how God has worked all this out so incredibly. he delivered us from the chains of consumer debt we had placed on ourselves just in time to learn that the developer would no longer "rescue" us from it by giving us an excellent price for our home. Praise Jesus that we are not sitting here with no savings, $38,500 of debt, and our huge home mortgage like we were this time last year. we may not come out of this with the huge profit we'd hoped for, but at least we're no longer relying on that to cover up the mistakes we had made with credit.