freedom

I am back. After a 9-10 month separation from blogging. I can't say that I missed it that much, honestly since I was able to get some more things done without the computer, but it is nice to be back. I'm probably going to update most Sunday afternoons now.

Anyways, I come back with some good news, too. Friday was my last day as an engineer. Hopefully forever. Wow. All I can say is that I love David for giving me this opportunity. And I'm praising God for giving us the means for me to "retire" and become the stay at home wife that I've always wanted to be!!! I may be doing some things like piano lessons or substitute teaching or an errand service or tutoring homeschool kids on math and science, but for the most part, I'm not going to spend a lot of time and energy making money anymore. I'm going to focus more on saving it. Finding ways to simplify our life and save money. Being here to fix all our meals rather than working 70 hours in a week and eating out most meals, etc.

I have never been a big fan of the feminist movement and dual career households. All that I've ever wanted is to stay home, keep the house clean, fix good meals, bake, etc. and take care of my David and our children (if God chooses to bless us with them). I never wanted to be a career woman. I feel like I've gone on this 9 year walk into someone else's life only to re-emerge back to myself. i've finally decided to live my own life where there is margin so that I can take care of the things that really matter to me. My spiritual walk, my home, my family.

I have taken in a lot of feminist propoganda in the last 9 years (and before) and as a result, I am having to battle with a lot of feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I wonder what people think of me for quitting my "career". I had some people at my job say some condescending things to me this week, etc. I feel like I'm being lazy or something by not having that job, but in all reality, I have a lot more to do at home, and a lot more physical labor than I ever had clicking a mouse at work and living up to their low expectations. In fact, one of the biggest skills I learned at work was how to "look busy" when not actually "busy". Not to work too hard and fast or they'd give me a ton more work that I didn't really want to do. Just work hard enough not to get fired, etc. This was so hard to participate in when all I wanted to do was come home and clean up my personal life...Ugh. I am so glad that I've been able to cut off these terrible programs from my life forever. As you can see, I have a lot of re-programming to do in my mind now. A lot.

Tomorrow marks the first real day of my new life. The first day that I "should" be going in to the office, and I won't be. And I have so much to do. I want to try to organize my days into some sort of schedule. I'm such a schedule nerd. Does anyone have any advice? I found a website that makes lists that seemed somewhat helpful. Kind of like Flylady but different.

What I have so far for this week is this....

Mon- laundry, clean house, make phone calls about insurance, etc. , go work out in the evening @ Eagle (one of the area churches started a free aerobic workout class/ministry, I love it and I can go 3 times a week...), finish priming the guest room (Michelle, if you're reading this, I haven't done anything else in there since you and Pat were here!!!)

Tues- Weight Watchers mtg and grocery shopping at 6 stores in Lebanon (to find the best deals because now I have time...woohoo! new highlight of my life!!), see Tamara & Blake?, send out Society of Women Engineers lunch reminder (I'm still organizing a monthly engineers lunch to keep my foot in that door should something ever happen to David and I would have to be an engineer again...)

Wed- work out in the a.m., paint the ceiling in the guest room and the walls

Thurs- either paint trim/doors in the guest room (dave's actually better at that kind of detail than I am so I might save it for him) or remove wallpaper in bath, kitchen and laundry room

Fri- work out in the a.m., finish up any tasks that aren't done for the week, laundry, get ready for the womens retreat to service at church on Saturday

anyways, you all have a great week! I'll check back with you next Sunday!!