I can't believe it. I'm sitting in the comfort of my own home accessing the world wide web. I made the decision last week to get the internet again because I felt I was wasting too much time driving to the public library to get online and I wanted to get connected with my sister and mom on a daily accountability online weight loss challenge (see realslimkatie.blogspot.com). YES!
Dave wasn't so sure about the decision to get the internet though. We have had a lot of discussions about how the internet can pull us in and cause us to waste time and we weren't sure we wanted it in our own home. But I went ahead, and since then, I have assured him that I won't waste too much time on this computer. So, last night I was getting ready for bed and he was hooking this all up and he was mumbling, "I can't believe we're letting the world back into our house..." or something like that. All in all, I have to be careful to not abuse this thing or we probably won't have it for long.
Anyways, since I last posted, my new life has been shaping up. I'm now nannying for a family with 3 children 2 days a week and teaching piano lessons/being a stay at home wife the other 3 days. I am definitely not making anywhere near the $ that I was making as an engineer but I don't hate life anymore. Just thinking about my life in cube world makes my stomach churn. I hated every single morning. Because I knew I had to get out of bed and drag myself in to that prison cell so that I could die for 8-12 hours/day. Then come home and cram all my household duties into a couple hours so that I could do it all over again the next day. I really had nothing to look forward to. I started to understand why people would become alcoholics because I wanted to escape from my reality somehow. Since I don't drink, I would watch Little House on the Prairie episodes and eat lots and lots of fattening foods.
In the past few weeks I've been doing a lot of soul-searching and figuring out that I had been so miserable with my life that I trained myself to look at the bad in every situation. In fact, it was a tactic that I used to get my way. I looked for every bad thing that happened during the day so I could come home and share it with Dave to try to convince him that I should quit my career. Apparently, it worked after 4 years of complaining, but I created some really bad habits and ruts in my mind that I now have to work hard to change. Now that I am living an awesome life, a life that I chose all by myself with no suggestions from anyone else, I still tend to focus on the negative and I really, really need to stop that. I think that it will take time. One thing that I am trying to do is to think of something positive that happened each day and sharing that with someone. Perhaps this blog will become a list of positive things. :)